Confessions of a grocery store beating

Gage and Aspen are off track right now, and let me just tell you how I love off track. I always have these delusions that off track is going to be sooo much fun, I plan, prepare and try to keep the kids entertained 24 hours a day for 3 weeks. But instead of all my creative plans Gage and Trace would rather beat on each other. Soo, they have been banned from all play wrestling, sword fighting, boxing matches, and the likes. This came to pass after a little incident at Smith's. So picture me already at my limit because I have denied the kids the 450 items that they begged for, then they told me I was (of course) "the meanest mom ever" when I didn't cave. So on the way out the door after I scolded Trace 5 times to not use the divider rails between check stands as his own personal reformer the proudest mom moment happens. Gage turns to Trace, who is a step behind to tell him some sort of exciting news and all I hear is a giant THUD. The THUD was Trace (on the defense) giving Gage the biggest kidney punch ever in the back before he could even receive the news. So Gage lets out an OOOOWWWWWW and bends over backwards clutching his lower back. At which point Trace realizes that he has just dug the last shovel full of dirt for his own shallow grave and starts apologizing. "Sawwee Gage, sawwee, I didn't know, sawwee." This is all happening in the entrance to Smiths. So close, so very close to the door and we just couldn't make it. And all I can see playing in my head (as other customers are shaking their heads at me) is the scene from Dumb and Dumber were they are dressed up in their orange and baby blue tuxes with canes in hand and they start beating on each other. I think I may check ebay for some tiny little orange and blue tuxes, and I'll of course purchase the optional canes so we can at least film it and get some money from America's Funniest Home Videos. That will teach those judging grocery store onlookers.